ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
