I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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