Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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