Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
