So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
