There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
