Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
