I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
