I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
