So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
