she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
