he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
