Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
