I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
