I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
