All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The ass gains better be worth it
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