I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
