Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
