Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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