i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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