did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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