I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
