I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sorry about my life...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
