like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
