I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
