I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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