as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
