Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
