Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
