I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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