It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
