just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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