man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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