The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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