I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
