I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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