Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
