I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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