You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
