So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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