so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
