life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
