It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
