so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
