Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
