Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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