I wish life had little blips of pornography
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
