woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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