yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
