I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
